More Than Nostalgia

I didn’t expect this to be one of the most powerful parenting tools. 

I simply wanted to watch something I enjoyed that was also appropriate for my preteen daughter. 

But watching Gilmore Girls together has opened the door to countless conversations I wouldn’t have known how to begin otherwise. 

Cuddled on the couch together (or at least side by side), we’ve talked about peer pressure, bullying, family expectations (from multiple points of view), friendships (both when they come and when they go), and all kinds of sticky situations. 

We’ve discussed when to say no, when to step outside your comfort zone, when to hold your ground, and boys. 

Yes, you read that right. My middle school daughter and I freely and easily chatted about boys — what to look for, what to question, and what should be an immediate red flag.

And we’re only on season 2.

The best part of all is that nothing feels like a lesson. The dialogue just flows. It’s not forced.

“Would you be okay with that?”
“Why’s he getting so upset?”
“Is that fair?”
“What do you think she should do?”
“I’m not sure how I’d handle that…”

And rather than getting embarrassed or walled off, she leans in. She cherishes our Gilmore Girls moments, relaxed and together, experiencing it all from an emotionally safe distance. 

It’s not about the show. It’s about letting something else start the conversation and us figuring things out as a team. Preparing for what might come up in our own lives, just with different packaging.

If you have a preteen or teen daughter… try it. You might be surprised what comes up.

Let’s Talk:
What’s something small that’s made a big difference in your parenting lately? 

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Just a mom, stuck at home, watching the world and thinking…

When all of this is over, I wonder if the world will look back and see both the stumbles and the triumphs clearly. I wonder if, when we attempt to rewrite history with 20/20 hindsight, we wind up agonizing over missed opportunities … or celebrating the changes we made that improved everything going forward. 

I wonder if we’ll choose a path that lets this break us, estrange us, and split us apart. We may be tempted to boomerang back into our old ways and let 300,000+ lives be lost for nothing. We may want to stick our heads in the sand and let the carnage continue long after the virus is defeated. Or we may decide to see this as a turning point.

We can choose to learn from what we’ve experienced. We can choose to re-prioritize. We can choose to do what human beings do best and reinvent ourselves.

When all of this is over, we can turn reluctant adaptation into revolutionary innovation — innovation that, this time, doesn’t happen at the expense of our planet. Or our freedom. Or our ability to enjoy what’s truly important in life. This time, we can redefine the word “progress” to mean something that benefits us all — two-legged, four-legged, leafy and scaled alike.

There is a wonderful video going around by British poet “Probably Tom Foolery,” which looks back on the current pandemic and dubs it “The Great Realisation.” Obviously, this is oversimplified — glossing over all the death, the ruin, and the profound suffering caused by this virus. But it is prophetic and inspiring nonetheless.

No one is happy that Covid-19 is happening. But it is. It is clawing a defining line in the earth and daring us to cross back over. “The Great Realisation” spotlights an unprecedented opportunity to fix what was wrong before the world as we knew it shut down. 

As Clarence the angel said in the 1946 film “It’s a Wonderful Life,” it’s a rare gift to see how the world would look without us in it. Right now, we are being shown what our planet would be like without humanity — or at least without its unchecked air-polluting, garbage-dumping, oil-spilling, ocean-ravaging, wildlife-annihilating tendencies. It’s as if Mother Nature watched all of our toothless pontificating about climate change, grew tired of our worthless political bickering, could no longer stomach our blatant denial of reality … and decided enough was enough. No fair-minded person can deny how the atmosphere is improving, and wildlife is flourishing, and waterways are clearing while we’re in detention.

The question is do we listen? Or do we become that world-destroying species we’ve prophesied and demonized in so many science fiction sagas? Do we channel our inner cinematic villain and sweep everything we’ve seen under the rug?

Life after the pandemic will inevitably be different, no matter how we decide to move forward. We will adapt. We will survive. But when has that ever been humanity’s ultimate goal?

If hindsight is 20/20, then let 2020 be the year we defog our lenses, prepare for the future, and stop letting petty rivalries obscure what is right.

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Always at our fingertips

Woman holding boxed smartwatch inside Blockbuster store with child and customers

Does anyone here remember the phrase, “Be kind, rewind?” Do you recall a store called Blockbuster? Did you ever sprint towards a wall packed with new releases, stomach full of butterflies, only to find out there were no precious white boxes behind the glittering Hollywood covers? Do you remember when packing for vacation meant sorting through a knee-high pile of books — knowing the mood could strike for any one of them on your trip, but unwilling to lug all of them with you?

Friends, we truly do live in the age of convenience. And while it definitely goads me that my kids assume I should have access to every song, every movie, and every episode of any television show they want at a given moment … which often leads to us listening to “Frozen 2,” “Disney Junior Dance Party,’ and “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” two dozen times rather than succumbing to a good classic rock radio station (God forbid they hear a commercial) … it’s generally pretty awesome.

Bear in mind, I say all this as one of the last people of my generation to get:

  • a smartphone (I refused for ages),
  • a tablet (basically a big smartphone)
  • a Kindle (after refusing to “disrespect” physical books for years, I received one as a gift and now don’t board a plane without it),
  • a smart watch (I just recently agreed to “try it out”)
  • Audible (still on my free trial month)

I say all this because I’m amazed at how different things are for my kids than they were for me. Fundamentally they are the same — they still want to watch tv after school, they still want their own music in the car, they still need constant entertainment at restaurants, waiting rooms, etc. But the way in which they achieve these things, and the declining rate at which they have to settle for something else, is so different. Can you imagine what would happen if they asked to watch “Frozen,” and I replied that I put a hold on it at the library and we could go pick it up in 4-6 weeks?

I guess it’s our job as parents to make sure they learn to compromise in this age of instant satisfaction. To make sure they still get dissatisfied once in a while, so they know how to cope.

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A whole new … everything

In the kingdom of Connecticut, autumn is symbolic of the end. It’s when the flowers stop growing, the trees start to fall asleep, and the playgrounds become a little less busy. It is not ordinarily a time for renewal.

For me, however, autumn 2019 is a season of rebirth. Like Snow White in the glass coffin, Sleeping Beauty at the end of her 300-year nap, and Cinderella after trying on the lost glass slipper, my books are getting a whole new lease on life. As am I.

Without going into too much detail, a change in representation made it necessary for me to remove my entire series from one account and upload it to another. It could have been a simple switch. But anyone who knows me well knows that I have a tendency to turn even the simplest tasks into long, all-consuming projects because I need them to be perfect. (That, and I’m slightly OCD with a penchant for second-guessing everything.)

So in May, I thought about the fact that my books would have to be moved anyway. I thought about how they’d need to get new identification numbers anyway. I thought about how I was never really happy with the third book’s cover. And I thought about the fact that between the launch of Desperately Ever After and the conclusion of the series, I moved, navigated two pregnancies, had more than a few health scares, and tried to keep up with the impossible task of raising a newborn/toddler. Needless to say, I may have been a little preoccupied (aka crazed, sleep-deprived, manic, spiritually depleted) at times.

So on October 15 — after a summer filled with road trips, beach vacations, and revisions — I am relaunching the entire series without a two-year gap between books 2 and 3. I’m relaunching the series with a new cover for Skipping Midnight, a better map, character lists, and tighter prose. I’m relaunching the series with every plot hole I could find sewn shut, every mediocre word rethought, and many opportunities for future stories sprinkled in.

But most importantly, I am relaunching the series. I formatted the manuscript. I uploaded the art, keyed in the descriptions, and chose what programs in which to enroll. I will be in full control of my creation from here on out — no longer waiting on a white-gloved intermediary  to make every minor change.

Technically, I was a self-published author in 2014 and 2016, when these books first came out. But I did not have full control over them. I was “self -published” through an agency. Now that I’m pulling the strings, autumn of 2019 just feels different. It feels invigorating. Like a crisp October breeze or cascade of orange leaves twirling through the air … it feels like I — and my characters — are free.

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Blog Hop Alert!!

Hooray for fall! Hooray for pumpkins! And apples! And jeans! And cozy fleece sweatshirts you should have gotten rid of years ago!

But most of all, hooray for Chick Lit Chat HQ and their absolutely amazing blog hops!

Yes, today marks Day 1 of the Pumpkins & Pages Bog Hop. I’m delighted to be giving away some scrumptious dark chocolate pumpkin biscotti, a $10 Starbucks gift card (buy a maple pecan latte, you won’t be disappointed), and a useless but totally adorable pumpkin-shaped knickknack ;)

But that’s only one of MORE THAN 50 contests going on during this hop. Toss in a group-wide grand prize giveaway featuring THIS hand-crafted wreath, and you just can’t say no!

For full details, visit my Facebook page. And best of luck!!!

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Have you seen these?

Check out this new line of Disney Toms, so far featuring Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and now Snow White.

I wonder who’s next. Penelopea perhaps? ;)

Use this link to save $20 off a $75 order

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Readers’ Favorite announces 2018 winners (and look who’s listed!!)

I’m very excited to announce that Desperately Ever After has received the Finalist Award for Fiction – Chick Lit in this year’s Readers’ Favorite International Book Award Contest, which receives thousands of entries from over a dozen countries.

According to press materials, “Readers’ Favorite is one of the largest book review and award contest sites on the Internet. They have earned the respect of renowned publishers like Random House, Simon & Schuster, and Harper Collins, and have received the ‘Best Websites for Authors’ and ‘Honoring Excellence’ awards from the Association of Independent Authors. They are also fully accredited by the BBB (A+ rating), which is a rarity among Book Review and Book Award Contest companies.”

Respectively, the Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals went to The Summer of New Beginnings, by USA Today bestselling author Bette Lee Crosby; Seeds of Intention, a 2018 IBPA Benjamin Franklin Award winner, by Andrea Thome; and The Royal Treatment, by Melanie Summers.

For more information, visit https://readersfavorite.com/book-review/desperately-ever-after

Congratulations to all the winners!

 

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Mother’s Day

 

My plan, several weeks ago, was to organize a casual Mother’s Day get-together with my brothers, buy the wine my mom said she liked last month, get her either the orchid or sweet mason jar arrangement I spotted during my always frantic errands, and have my girls draw something just for her.

Maybe, if all that panned out, I’d even have time to write a glowing but still private tribute to her on this blog. I would tell her how, now that I’m a mother, I’m ten million times more appreciative of how she kept all four of us alive each day … let alone fed us, took us to school, scheduled play dates, broke up our fights, cleaned up our vomit, nursed our wounds, kept us clothed (especially pre-online shopping!), read bedtime stories, helped with our homework, planned adventures, made us laugh, taught us values, tucked us into bed every night, and made sure we always knew we were loved. 

I’d also tell her how, now that I’m a mother, I don’t know how she did all that without someone like HER helping out. Because she still helps me so, so much. She is the strongest woman I know. I am so grateful to have her, and also grateful that my daughters have her now. 

So while the flowers didn’t quite work out as planned (blame: a witching hour toddler tantrum for the ages), and I couldn’t find the wine I wanted (blame: poor inventory and poor time management), I did manage a nice Saturday afternoon get-together at her house. And my toddler did come through with a beautiful crayon portrait of her and Grandma. These days, two out of four ain’t bad — and I know she understands that. 

I love you, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day :)

For all you moms and moms-to-be, may you enjoy as restful a Sunday as this role allows. It isn’t an easy one. The hours are ridiculous, there is no employee handbook or HR department to vent to, and the parameters shift every time you finally start to figure things out. But you can’t find a job with better perks anywhere, the rewards last a lifetime, and the memories will always make you smile.

The following video from Motherly draws on that point. It is absolutely beautiful, but be warned: you’ll need tissues.

 

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Happily Ever After Hop — and giveaway!

 

In addition to some gorgeous weather this morning, today comes with a very exciting event: the start of Chick Lit Chat HQ’s Happily Ever After Hop!

I am thrilled for several reasons. First, because there are so many wonderful, funny, talented writers participating beside me. Second, because I love giving things away. And third, because this hop truly seems tailor-made for my books.

Each day during the hop, a handful of us will take to Facebook to discuss how our books relate to the themes of “searching for Prince Charming” and living “happily ever after.” Well, in my case the question should actually be: How DON’T they relate? The Desperately Ever After series is a direct result of these concepts. It’s what happens when you take our most beloved fairy tale princesses and imagine how things went down after true love’s kiss. Did Snow White’s prince ever lose his luster? Was Belle eternally happy after Beast traded his fur for skin? Did four kids and the pressures of running a kingdom ever weigh too hard on Cinderella? Like us, the women in these books struggle with family, kids, career, regret, and especially … men. Like us, not everyone who’s achieved her “happy ending” seems to know it, and not everyone who hasn’t seems to know what she wants.

Thankfully, my CLC friends and I have put together a truly fantastic prize package that you most definitely WILL want — unless you have an aversion to jewels, chocolate and gift cards, this is.

The Happily Ever After Hop runs all the way through Mother’s Day, with new giveaways opening up each day (mine’s May 10 — mark your calendars).

For all the details, head over to the official Happily Ever After Hop event page via this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1962370290669865/

Thanks and good luck!

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Timeless lessons from Dr. Seuss

Earlier this week, my toddler came home from school with a copy of Horton Hears a Who. She had borrowed it from her class lending library, which the students stock with their favorite books twice a year.

My first thought when I saw the bright orange cover and grinning elephant was, “Oh, she’s not going to like that.” For even though my younger brother was a Dr. Seuss fanatic … and even though I have marvelous childhood memories of Go, Dog, Go! … and even though The Lorax holds a place of honor in this house … I don’t remember liking Horton very much as a child. Perhaps the kangaroo and her minions were just too cruel. Perhaps the thought of boiling an entire civilization in oil was too disturbing.

Or perhaps I disliked Horton simply because it wasn’t the “fun” side Dr. Seuss. There was no dog party, no hopping on pop, no goo-goo goggles, and not one single hat-donning cat. It was serious. It was Shakespeare’s Othello for someone expecting A Midsummer Night’s Dream. And I wasn’t old enough to make the wider world connections at that point.

But as I read it to my daughter over a breakfast of eggs and gluten-free pancakes, something unexpected happened. After a week of anger and fear and depression over yet another school shooting, I felt my spirit begin to rise. After a flurry of futile cries for change over social media, a dozen conversations with other anxious moms, and several moments of frustration doubting I could ever make a difference, I began to have some hope. Here was a book written almost 64 years ago, telling me that EVERY voice counts … telling me that you don’t have to be the mouthpiece to make a difference. You don’t have to be the mayor or the marching band beating kettles and pans.

In this case, all Who-vile needed to finally make itself heard, to convince the headstrong kangaroo and her toadies that they were real, was a tiny boy with a yo-yo … who at the last moment added a “Yopp!” to the other Who’s cries.

And that Yopp…
That one, small, extra Yopp put it over!
Finally, at last! From that speck on that clover.
Their voices were heard! They rang out clear and clean,
And the elephant smiled. “Do you see what I mean?…
They’ve proved they ARE persons, no matter how small.
And their whole world was saved by the Smallest of All!”

It’s the sort of message I think we all need to hear right now. Right now … and the next time an issue grabs us by the heartstrings and won’t let go. Because, you know, there’s always something. Even if we somehow eradicate these current storm clouds, there are always more.

My little girl liked the story too. She really seemed to care about the people on the dust speck. I could see the concern in her eyes when the vulture carried it away, and her dismay at everyone else’s cruelty. It’s probably a good thing that she, like me at that age, didn’t truly understand the larger meaning. But I’ll continue reading it to her over the years. Maybe someday her spirit will need lifting too, and this story will help.

I’ve learned a lot about parenthood over the past almost-four years. One is that children understand a heck of a lot more than we give them credit for at even the youngest age. Another is that while there are thousands of books out there that teach our kids about letters, numbers, colors, etc., there are very few that teach them how to be good people — at least not in a way that engages them.

(I’ve been working on a future post about the children’s books that have stood out for me and my girls. You can check back for that later or follow this blog for upload alerts. There are also some great recommendations at Filling Baby’s Bookshelf, run by a fabulous friend and mother of two.)

Little Jo-Jo’s “Yopp!” is just one of the countless wonderful, engaging messages in Dr. Seuss’s books — maybe not Hop on Pop and Mr. Brown Can Moo, but can you think of a better way to prime children to care for our planet than by reading The Lorax?

So today, on what would have been Theodor Seuss Geisel’s 114th birthday, I want to thank Dr. Seuss for teaching us how to laugh, how to imagine, and how to stand up for what really matters in this world.

 

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”
~ The Lorax

.

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

“I’ve got to protect them. I’m bigger than they.”

“So, open your mouth, lad. For every voice counts!” 

~ Horton Hears a Who

 

“I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights.”
~ Yertle the Turtle

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“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.” 

“Step with care and great tact, and remember that life’s a great balancing act.”

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” 

~ Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

 

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”
~ I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

 

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!”
~ Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!

 

“I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny.”
~ The Cat in the Hat
(a lesson I’d love my kids to learn)

 

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